I was so happy to kick 2022 out the door last night! It will go down as the most difficult year of my life, bar none. Hands down. No questions. My husband and I talked about reliving all the hard and painful and unfair things we have experienced this past year. We were going to write them all down and talk about what happened, what we wanted to happen instead, and how we are now different people because of it all. We were then going to ceremonially burn it all and let it all go up in smoke. In the end, we decided it was just too painful to think about and we did not want to bring all that negative energy into our life. We need good vibes and good vibes only from here on out.
While we chose not to relive all the heartache of 2022, I did not want to let it leave without at least reflecting on the visit we’ve had. How has it changed me? Am I leaving 2022 behind as a better person or worse for the wear? I know there were days when I felt I was losing my faith, wondering about every single thing I had ever believed. We were dealt the hand of injustice, and it made absolutely no sense to me. I had plenty of days (more than I care to admit) when I was angry. Angry with God. Angry with people who got away with criminal activity while my family’s life was completely turned upside down and all the contents shaken out and scattered everywhere. Angry with people who should’ve loved us through it but didn’t. Angry at life. I could not wrap my head around the fact that God was remaining utterly silent through it all. We had not deserved this! My husband had done the right thing and we were now being punished for it. Where was God? He could help us. He could fix this. But He didn’t. It was a little more than a year of wandering in the wilderness, unsure of the direction we were to go. We needed help. We needed Heaven’s help. We asked. We pleaded. We begged. Nothing.
Now, here I sit, day one of 2023. What lessons was He teaching me? Did I learn them? Was I a good student? What lies ahead in 2023? I am hopeful that the highs and successes of 2023 will match and even exceed the lows and disappointments of 2022.
A scripture comes to mind: Jeremiah 29:11. For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
Hope.
If I can but keep the faith, there is always hope.
I guess it was hope that has carried me through each day of the past 15 months. Each day, there was a glimmer of hope. Something that kept me rising from the comfort of my covers to face another day.
Hope.
And that kind of resilience is only found in one place, one Person: my Savior and eternal friend, Jesus Christ.
I am still here today, fighting for a life I once had, possibly one even better. And it’s all because of Him.